Kate White

Finding out dad was sick

Tuesday 2nd Sep my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in September 17th 2017. my whole world came crashing down. worst part. he looked fine. he only had small symptoms. bloating and didn’t have an appetite. i couldn’t understand how this healthy man who loved to cycle was so sick and we didn’t know. he went straight into cancer treatment. was so hard to walk into the chemo room at the hospital. I ran out I was so upset and scared. every Wednesday for three weeks. one week off. dad went and got his treatment. every Monday I took him to get his blood test. our lives turned into non stop doctors appointments, chemo, blood tests and hospital visits. I will never forget how it felt finding out and the blur that the next 2 years 6 months and 1 day would go. my dad was told end of life care in January 2020. he died march 26th 2020. right when Covid hit. his funeral was 10 people. only at the cemetery. me my sister and my mum broken that we couldn’t celebrate dads life they way he deserved. telling those who loved him they couldn’t be there. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. more so that his first anniversary of his death was his memorial service. it felt like he were living his funeral again and I don’t remember that day at all. just a blue of tears. people hugging me and sharing stories I couldn’t take in. my dad was the best I could ask for. my mum was our rock. holding us upright and helping dad through everything. my sister and mum being nurses meant dad got to die at home. the way he wanted. mum and my sister cared for him. the nurses came and looked after him. I got his meds every morning before the nurses arrived. cooking meals and cleaning up. we made it work with our roles. it’s been 5.5 years and it hurts so much still. but I have learnt to live with the pain. I miss him every day. but I am grateful he isn’t suffering anymore. the pain this cancer causes is unthinkable. Share